Love Pt 2

Did i give up on love?
hehe no, i wont ever even after experience teaching me that love can really fuck up your life, personality, friendshiips, relationships, education, etc etc etc
love is too important to me for me to ever give up on it
my current bf M3....
he feels like something else really
you know whats the biggest reason that makes me feel that this time its different and its true?
its wierd, but it because we fight so much and we are from such different worlds and have such different outlooks on life
but despite it all, despite all the fights, all the obstacles (including my friends and our friends as in the ones me and him have in common), i still want to fight for it
now a part of me fought for it, cause i cant have another failed relationship... i seriously cant
but for the most part he was so worth fighting for... cause i know he would fight for me
i have seen what he would do for me, im the type of person who would do so so much for someone as long as i know that person would do the same for me if i needed
just recently we had a huge fight that lasted so long, it was just a series of endless arguements
i actually cried at the end cause i couldnt take it anymore! (crying is such a humongous issue for me, i never do, so when i do its a big deal)
and then we didnt talk for a while cause he traveled, but then when he got back we talked
we talked and saw what we were doing was wrong
assessed the situation.. was all this worth it? and in the end we both decided it was
and here we are now, back to normal thank goodness
seriously he makes me feel comfortable and safe, i see a future, thats all that matters to me right now... the rest will get fixed with time and effort

At the carwash

I was at the carwash yesterday with my bf, well call him M3
Anyways i never take my car to the car wash but this time went tgther it was funny
So we were waiting for both our cars to be washed and were just chatting
i was msging my frend M1 (girl) and out of the blue she said "i hate ur bf"
Now it sounds like such a small thing right?
No no no, la la la (arabic for no)! Its not, not at all
M1 is one of my best friends she can't hate my boy friend, she just Can't!
I freaaaked out, i teared up i went all sad
M3 didn't understand what was going on he was confused n probably pissed cause i msging my frend while i was with him
We have this rule where we don't text or occupy ourselves with other stuff if were tgther unless its important
And for him cause i talk to my frends all the time, he hates it i do it when were tgether
Now normally i don't, but when M1 dropped such a huge bombshell on me i couldn't help investigate further once i figured out she was being serious
i sat there sat thinking wtf just happned? i never thought M1 would ever be the one who hated M3, i always figured it would be my friend D....
anyways i asked and she gave me reasons:
- he doesnt try to understand my world
- he doesnt try to get close to my friends

but what she was saying is that she doesnt like him, but supports my relationship
now i dont see how that works? how could she hate someone but support me being with him?!?!
i mean hes my bf i love him, he makes me happy in a way tht wasnt describable
i cant have my friends hate him!
im sure D hates him too
whats going on?
do they hate him because of me?
cause all the things they know about him are through me....
did i actually self-sabotage the connection between my frends and bf, by poointing out the flaws of my bf?
why would i do that? whats my brain trying to do!? wtfffff....
did i emphasize the bad things and down play or not even mention the really good stuff?
other than his treatment of me... he really does care about my friends, he does try so hard to understand and know them
he actually remembers everything i say about them and listens when i go on for hours about details and stories that are endless and filled with excruciating details hehe....
he respects, understands, and encourages my frendship with them, he really does...
this could be a big problem if i dont fix it really soon

Love Pt 1

I think love is one of the wierdest emotions a person can feel in their whole life!
its so hard to explain, so hard to share with someone, you feel youre all alone, and youre the only one that has ever felt this way towards another human being, and there couldnt possibly be anyone else that feels this way!
its so psycho .... OFCOURSE other people fall in lovee.... duhhh
but i guess the feeling that accompanies love where u feel that your love for ur partner is greater than any other love on this planet, is all part of the charm of being in love
i love being in love
i really do
i am a love - aholic
im addicted to it
it feels so good i swear!
anyone whos ever had a crush can relate to what im trying to say...
my friend D says that im like susan mayer from desperate housewives and that i cant survive without men
and my frends D and M1 have now forbidden me from having another bf for six months if my current one doesnt work out
i agree, i believe that i am a serial dater seriously
but dating isnt always love
although for me and probably so many more people, during the period it feels like love, but you only realize its not love--- not even close! --- after its all over and done with
cant i learn my lesson? will i ever learn my lessson???
each time it feels different and i say it wont be like the last one

okay to clarify i havnt had nine billion bfs
ive had very few relative to other people
but those have been more than enough hehe

It's not that easyyy

Forgive... and forget?
illi faat maat? (meaning whats done is done)

We all mistakes, no exceptions, no doubt about it
Some mistakes are worse than others
but most of us do deserve forgiveness
however, when you forgive are you supposed to forget as well?
i guess these questions are best answered when put in a certain context...

let's take cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend as an example
two people very much in love
have been together for just under two years
they are far apart and sadly long distance isnt helping their relationship at all
the girl gets close to a guy, really close, too close
hasnt done anything wrong with him... yet
the guy is sitting thousands of miles away clueless and oblivious to whats going on behind his back
poor him ... right?

lets just say the girl was neglected and felt that was justification to sort of find a replacement for the compassion and love she used to get from her boy friend
in her mind this is the perfect reason to get close to a guy, close enough that she was lying to her bf about how close they were getting
now everytime the girl tries to talk to the guy he is just not there for her--- ever
she is alone
but she has this close "friend"
now this guy although he may have started out with good intentions, now sees the perfect situation
the perfect opening into this girls heart or more likely her pants....
on a side note: one of my very good friends once told me that one of the easiest girls to steal away from a guy is one that feels neglected, all you have to do is listen and be everything her bf is not being
the other guy took advantage, the girl let it happen, the bf had no idea what was going on
the bf never imagined that the girl would ever leave him
it was one of those situations where they were so in love, that he thought theres no way she could fall for anyone else, shes mine forever, i dont have to work for her anymore ***
the bf stopped trying.. stopped being there for her... although she tried so hard
so hard .. repeatedly to a point where she couldnt try anymore
and some people are just the type that cant let things be and wait to see what happens
they have to fix, and if it wont work and the guy shows NOO sign NO sign at all that he is going to change or do anything at alll....
they need to find something else that will work or would rather have nothing

but ofcourse for the girl... she had the other manipulative guy to be her knight in shining armor (pffft)
she fell right into his trap knowingly and unknowingly ... i actually dont know....
she left her bf
she couldnt take it anymore
she promised her self it was not because of the new guy
but on some level it was
but mostly it was because she had to get away away away
and show her bf that she wasnt going to take it anymore

it was meant to a break
but the new guy had not gone through so much trouble, so much fakeness to get nothing in return
the girl... well she was just an idiot... no excuses
they fooled around
no details - yuck i dont even want to think about the details they make me want to vomit

can the girl ever forgive herself for giving up the guy she loved, and would eventually marry?
can she forgive herself for not trying enough?
can she forgive herself for being so dirty (the fooling around)?

can the bf forgive himself for giving up the girl that he loved?
the star question: can the bf forgive the girl for what she did with the guy?



***totally irrelevant addition connected to where i left the stars above ***
girls doesnt it suck when men sort of give up once they have you?
like before they know you like them, they jump through hoops to impress you
they tell you they love you, they woo you every chance they get
they are perfect... to perfect
obviously it cant last forever!
but as soon as they get you, its like they sealed you for themselves
and very fast they stop trying and do nothing
they become a log of wood - emotionless and actionless
annoying isnt it?

Comfort Zone

I think the human brain is so amazing seriously, like they say we only use a small percentage of it.
but i really do not agree cause i mean, the things that go through my head! uffff if only people could read minds i think all our brains would blow up
this is my place to vent, this is supposed to be my sanctuary
i wish sanctuaries really existed and lasted, the one place u feel safe and comfortable and like no one can do anything to u
as a kid, it used to be my parents bed
i used to squeeze in between the two of them (yea i was an annoying mama and daddy's girl)
but now where is that place?
when im with my friends in my room cuddled up in the bed together? (im not a lesbian, but not far from it when it comes to my friends)
when im with my boy friend cuddled up with him? - switch off out phones, lock the door, close the curtains, forget our classes/ friends/ family/ chores / concerns
i really dont know
the last one has been my haven for a while now
i just got to know him a year ago, but i feel like i know him inside out
i can predict what he's going to say and what he's going to do
but at the same time sometimes i have no idea what's going on in his head
sometimes im sitting and reading on the other side of the sofa from him
and i can feel him staring at me
but not in a creepy way (like the edward cullen in twilight for those of u, who have seen it)
in a soft, loving way that makes you blush
and then i look up and go
"ufff dont look at me like that! okay tell me what ure thinking"
but deep down i know exactly what he is thinking
and then he slowly comes closer to me and whispers in my ear with his deep husky voice
"im thinking how much i love you and how i want to lock u up and never let u go"
that sentence makes my stomach turn upside down inside me
and makes my heart tingle
and gives me goosebumps from the back of my neck all the way down to my toes
yeah just those words
without even touching me, he has that effect on me
cause i know exactly what that kind of talk leads to....

Why i started this blog...

Well i was one of those people that thought that blogs are superbly lame... hehe
anyways i started one before this but i wanted to keep it a secret
however in the world i come from - its very hard to keep secrets
practically impossible!
i dedicate this blog to the two loves of my life
they know themselves <3 umwaaaah